Our lazy ass council

An easier way of skiving at work is to cut down on your workload.

Our council have done this by removing remote bins from our village.  And therefore cutting down on their lazy ass work.

Lazy B*stards.

Padding out your current workload

It’s often the case you should always over-estimate time to do a job and protest you’ve got too much work on.  Yet all you do is cruise at 5mph thru the day so you’ve plenty of mental energy left for after-work recreation.

It’s a well known tactic.  Try and make you adversary (boss) sympathise with your workload - this method works best when you have numerous demands from numerous bosses.  Telling them you’ll prioritise them when you don’t is another tactic to keep it smooth. 

Keep them hanging till the last minute, then you’re the hero.

They’ll just be relieved when you deliver and feel you’re an important cog in the machine.

Skive method for when you’re tired/hung over.

Got a hangover?  Playing world of warcraft too much?  Here’s a skive method that will work.

Hit the office/work and look grim - easy if you’re hung over or being playing online all night.

Then, hold your stomach or whatever, and hope someone asks what’s wrong….if not just casually anounce it yourself…’oooh, dodgy guts…think that curry last night was off’.

Then go to the toilet multiple times during the day…for long periods.  No one will question you and will stay away from you - the thought of you shitting liquid will be offputting enough and you’ll be treated like a diseased person…ideal for getting chill time in the toilet with the mp3 player or maybe an episode of Seinfeld on your ipod video.

The toilet Skive

The toilet has to be the best skive possible.  If you need a crap during work, so much the better, you can really take your time over it and go for a quality shit.

Taking a newspaper is a bit obvious, so I suggest cutting out a few pages you want to read, folding them up and THEN going for a crap.

If you’re lucky enough to have a PDA and mobile phone reception, go sit on the crapper and talk to your friends on MSN.

 Failing that, sit back and enjoy the peace as you shit in tranquility - but are getting paid for it also.

The favourite skive….coat over the chair…

Yes, this little trick of dropping your jacket over your chair then skiving off somewhere is ideal to show people you stay late or start early. 

Make no mistake, during the 9-5 you should be at your desk, but 7-9am or 5-8pm you can drape a jacket over your chair and disappear somewhere.  It looks good and is debatable how much time you spend at work, but it looks like a lot.

Some people go further and leave the jacket overnight.  Fold your jacket you’re wearing up into your briefcase or casually over your arm so when you appear in the morning, you can pretend you were there from 7am.